Prior to January: So what happened to Mr. Knock-Your-Socks-Off?

Our first interaction online:

Mr. Knock-Your-Socks-Off: We need to talk

Me: *no reply*

Mr. K (a few hours later): I want to take you to lunch as soon as humanly possible

Me (later): Hi 🙂 You persevere. I think you like me lol! It takes balls to pursue a woman after she tests you with no response. Your pics look like you fully enjoy your life haha

Tell me more about yourself…what do you do?

*conversation continues and finishes with setting up a dinner date*

Later on after a couple dates, the first time I visited his place:

Mr. K: Hey! Welcome!

Me: Hey! How are you doing?

Mr. K: Great – want a tour of the house?

Me: Yeah, I remember you telling me a lot about your artwork, I’m interested in seeing it.

Mr. K: Well here’s the kitchen. I try to keep it clean. This is the kombucha that I make. And here’s the dining room- oh yeah these are the four birdfeeders that I made out of empty liquor bottles last weekend. And this is the jewelry that I make on the side. And this is the lamp that I’m trying to make out of dried orange slices because a dude in New York was doing it and I thought it was cool and I thought well I can do that too. And that’s a juice-themed hookah that I made for my friend but it’s not finished yet because I didn’t cut the copper tubing yet and this is my cubic expression of this lamp and this is my cubic expression of that painting and do you want to see the basement

Me: Ok

Mr. K: This is the basement where I project movies and this is the one-legged table that I made that I really like because it’s unique and this is the cast I made of my ex-girlfriend (and you’ll probably get cast too) and thi-

Me: Can I sit down please

Mr.K: Yeah sure and this is the guest room that I’m trying to turn into a meditation room and I made this bed and it flips up and I made this desk that’s attached to the bed and these are the saws that I use to cut materials for my projects and these are the molten balls of aluminum from when I melted soda cans just for fun and do you want to see what my room looks like this is the wall that I decorated with all the pictures of my friends and family and us eating food and this is the desk that I made that I’ve covered with collages of magazine pictures of food and this is the shelf that I made that has a sand garden thing and that holds trinkets from middle school and this is the walk-in closet and I have lots of shoes and actually those shoes I haven’t worn very much and these are my bow ties and these are all the different colored blazers and shirts that I have and this is the chart that I use to color coordinate my outfits and this is the shower and I got a whole bucket of small pebbles and I put them on the shower floor because it feels good on my feet.

Me: …

Mr K: I’m going to go over here and bla bla bla bla…

Me *texting my best friend*: Hey um, do you have a sec?

Needless to say, there’s nothing wrong with having a very active creative spirit. But you can bet your bottom dollar that what I was channeling at the time was this scene from Lion King where Scar tells Simba: “Run…run away and never return.”


One thought on “Prior to January: So what happened to Mr. Knock-Your-Socks-Off?

  1. My grandmother had stepping stones in her garden with exposed pebbles on the top and as a child, it was one of my least favorite surfaces to walk on barefoot (tied with woodchips). That’s the feeling and image that popped into my head at the shower line…


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