Once upon a time there was a child who pretended her bike was a pony, or that she was a mermaid when she went to the pool, or that she was Pocahontas when she climbed into her favorite tree’s lush canopy. I thrive on imagination. So here are some things I’ve tried in the past that might spice up your dating life:
To be saucy and spontaneous: When arranging the next time you and your date/significant other (SO) will see each other, randomly ask them if they prefer red or black. Do not elaborate further, even when they look at you strangely. At the next rendez-vous, show up wearing something according to the color your SO picked…it can be as simple as red lipstick/a red tie or as elaborate as blackberry wine (I never said these ideas were cheap, folks!), or showing up looking sharp in black. The idea is to get their imagination flowing with wondering what you’ll wear, where the two of you will go, or how things would have turned out differently if they had picked the other color. When the date is over, the next time you two are looking to go out again, ask the same question or have them do it for a change. A word on black tuxes…if they are well-chosen or well-tailored, they make anyone look dangerously seductive. My personal reaction to a man wearing a tux is “hello sir I dropped my, um, pencil and I’d like to do the bend and snap for you”…Just make sure you tell your date ahead of time to dress to the nines too so that they aren’t left out. Ladies, you can rock that tux just as well. Wear it with confidence, and don’t be afraid to pronounce your look with a dark pout or a sexy cat eye.
To give someone flowers: Sure, grocery store flowers are pretty if you like that kind of thing, but I think your dollars go further if you support your local flower shop. Usually these are small businesses that have personalized bouquets. If you live in Denver, I highly recommend checking out the floral gift shop Sacred Thistle by 11th and Broadway. They make stunning floral arrangements, namely because you pick the vessel from brass, silver-tone, or gold-tone, the bouquet composition takes into account your taste or event (if you scroll through their wedding flower pics, you’ll see), and the florist styles are whimsical and embrace flowers’ imperfections. Just note that they are pricey compared to picking your own flowers, but I’m so pleased at the quality of their roses and the thought their florists put into this art.
To let someone know you care: Write them a letter. Yes. Whip out some notebook paper and fill it with words, lick that damn envelope closed, put a stamp on that baby, and mail it to your lover’s home. You see, in a day and age where we are so used to technology (hello, you’re reading this aren’t you?), it’s easy to forget that handwriting, sentence structure, and how we organize a letter says a great deal about ourselves. Even writing a letter instead of an e-mail is an indication of who we are. Lightly spritz your favorite perfume or cologne on your note before you fold it into the envelope. Our sense of smell is one of the chief ways to associate memories with feelings. Don’t know what to write about? Tell your SO about your day. Recount a story about one or both of you. Explain in sensory detail a feature or character trait of your lover. Letters betray our quirks, my friends. And when someone receives a letter, they will recognize that you went through the time and effort to reach out to them. And then you will get laid. Just kidding.
To cultivate trust: TOUCH EACH OTHER. Sorry. Touch each other, please. As always, consent is one of the first steps, and depending on your relationship and personalities, find meaningful ways to communicate your affection for the other person. Listen, this doesn’t have to be grand awkward gestures that make either person uncomfortable. But if she likes it, tuck that flyaway behind her ear, kiss his cheek when he isn’t looking at you, let them listen to your heart beat for a minute, whisper something sweet in their ear. Offer to give them a foot, shoulder, or full-body massage after a long day of work. Sprouts has a great assortment of argan oils that you can mix with natural scents like lemongrass or lavender. If you’re with someone with long hair, ask if you can gently massage their scalp as they’re laying down- it’s a very intimate act and it’s only awkward if you tense up about how you’re doing instead of focusing on helping your lover relax. None of these suggestions have to be sexual…but arousal is natural if you follow it in due course.
In general…imagination is just the beginning. You know your significant other’s desires, emotional landscape (unless your lover is the 45th president…then good luck), and romantic preferences. Don’t be scared to involve them in this! They will appreciate your efforts to make time together even more special 🙂